so together, but so broken up inside.

seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me. i used to stand so tall, i used to be so strong. your arms around me tight, everything, it felt so right. unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong.. now i can't breathe. no, i can't sleep. i'm barely hanging on. here i am, once again. i'm torn into pieces. can't deny it, can't pretend. just thought you were the one. broken up, deep inside..but you won't get to see the tears i cry, behind these hazel eyes. i told you everything, opened up and let you in. you made me feel alright, for once in my life. now all that's left of me is what i pretend to be. so together, but so broken up inside. cause i can't breathe. no, i can't sleep. i'm barely hangin' on.


nah, i wont take credit for kelly clarkson's talent for song writing. or whoever wrote her songs. powerful stuff, freaaaals. anyway, i dont really feel like updating. happy halloween.

adrenaline.

the simplified definition (without going into all the specifics of anatomy): A hormone secreted by the adrenal glands that helps the body meet physical or emotional stress. and to make things even more simple: what you get when your heart starts beating faster due to fear, excitement, or anger.

chocolate cake. old pictures. microphone. spiders. repeated questions. cheesecake. stage. sound of footsteps. handwritten letters. old binder covers. rediscovered doodle pages. poetry. dark shadows. songs written and sang for me. lost papers. reuniting. laughter. staring strangers. soft kisses. apathetic people. icebox hearts. paper roses. broken pencils. misplaced erasers. starbucks frappuccino. in n out animal fries. awkward situations. unfortunate fate. surprises. picnics. uncertainty. college. hancock. having one effing earring. new socks. holding hands. confrontation. winning. wasting. dance. death. driving. airplane flights. being taken for granted. a hug.

what gives YOU an adrenaline rush? (thats not a rhetorical question, though you dont have to answer it if you dont want to i guess hahaha)




ps. this post is by special request(: for those who are up until four in the morning, looking for something to read..haha. i hope this was worth the read..

education.

sometimes i think, we should analyze song lyrics in english class. i think people would learn more useful things they could use in real life situations.



If I were a boy, even just for a day. Id roll outta bed in the morning, and throw on what I wanted then go. Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls. Id kick it with who I wanted, and Id never get confronted for it. Cause theyd stick up for me.

[Chorus] If I were a boy, I think I could understand. How it feels to love a girl; I swear Id be a better man. Id listen to her. Cause I know how it hurts. When you lose the one you wanted, cause hes taken you for granted. And everything you had got destroyed.

If I were a boy I could turn off my phone. Tell evveryone its broken, so theyd think that I was sleepin alone. Id put myself first and make the rules as I go. Cause I know that shed be faithful waitin for me to come home.

(Chorus)

But youre just a boy.. you dont understand. How it feels to love a girl someday.. you wish you were a better man. You dont listen to her. You dont care how it hurts. Until you lose the one you wanted, cause youve taken her for granted. And everything you have got destroyed. But youre just a boy.

secret wish list.

here's a few things on my to-do list that id like to do with someone; anyone. but shhhhh. its a secret wish list.

- i want to run along the ocean shore with someone.
- i want someone to take me on a picnic. and just because. not for a special occasion. just because.
- i want to dance with someone in the rain. literally. haha.
- i want to stargaze with someone under the moonlight.
- i want someone to go parasailing with me.
- i want someone to convince me to go skydiving with them :O
- i want to drive along the entire coast of california with someone. pch all the way(:
- i want to plant something with someone and bury a note with it or smthing. maybe even a capsule! and then come back to it ten years later.
- i want to lay on someone's rooftop and sleep there for a night.
- i want to make a music video with someone. for fun(:
- i want to write a song with someone and then duet it with them.
- i want to share a banana split with somebody.
- i want to invent something with someone. and create only two that work. one for each of us(:
- i want to drive super fast on the highway with the windows all down at night and music blasting from the radio. daaaaaayumm.
- i want to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with someone. hahaha.
- i want a post-it note buddy that i can leave around happy notes in unexpected places with.
- i want to ride on someone's shoulders. [ october 11(: ]
- i want to clutch to someones waist on a motorcycle.
- i want to chug down ONE shake with someone: two straws!
- i want to bake a cake with someone. and then decorate it with them(:
- i want to watch a concert with someone.


wishful thinking. sigh.

update.

hello world. sorry i havent updated in forever. and that sorry is more towards myself; no one else reads this anyway. haha. hmmm what has happened... not much of anything really. senior year is really chill so far, especially since i have hodges, and im in calc p. whenever i hear some bc kid complain, i thank God im in calc p. wooohoooo. same goes for the larson kids. buahahahahahahaha. so anyway, enough about schoool. last weekend i was in pleasanton, ca for a dance competition: WORLD OF DANCE! it was the best experience EVER. like seriously, one of the best three minutes and fifty seconds of my LIFE. i am so glad i was able to go, even if i didnt get to stay in the same hotel as the rest of the team :[ and im really depressed i cant do SIO or maxt out. but i guess ill get over it eventually :[ haha. anyway. WOD was the best(: i bought shirts, got free sunglasses, and placed third with the rest of my amazing dance team. weeeeeeeeeeeeee.

dance seems to be my only constant nowadays..


you know, i dont even remember this picture... HAHAHAHA(: