behind!

I can't seem to keep up with myself :( As in, keep this blog updated with my life hahah. I'm so busy all the time, it's insane. And I think it's only bound to get worse (or better?), errr busier!

Just some quick updates:
- I'm done with all my Christmas shopping! SUHHHWEEET!
- PAC Camp is this week! Jeff and I are teaching the closer that we both choreographed (:
- Thanksgiving holiday weekend was a blast! Friday I worked 5am-1pm and it was hella busy for once! Quite refreshing, and exciting hahaha. AND We made goal for the holiday weekend! Which means: each of us [employees] get $100! I think Corporate is gonna be cheap though and give us $100 gift cards to our own store..hahaha. Oh well, better than nothing!
- Saturday I went to Disneyland with Shane! And it was amazinggg! check out my tumblr: www.utterbliss.tumblr.com
- Sunday was somewhat normal. church at 11:30, work 1:30-9pm. It was fun trying to push people to buy stuff [so we could make goal haha].
- Today [monday] I slept in :( missed political science again.. i really need to stop doing that. Next semester, I hope I can get my schedule to be so that my earliest class is like 10am. Ugh. But I shall study for math to make up for missing class today. Test tonight :(
- So I already mentioned that PAC camp is this week, which means that this upcoming weekend is RETREAT and Christmasfest! I honestly don't even know what to say about retreat.. I guess I shall just see how it goes. I'm excited for Christmasfest!

So that's a quick update. I don't think I missed anything huge. If I remember anything, I'll just post again. Anyway, I'll try to keep up better haha. Until next time ♥

ugh.

i'm so THROUGH with flaky friends.
just leave me alone.

It all happened so fast. I didn't stop to think first. I don't know why. I don't have a really good reason for doing what I did..and that's what makes it all worse. I let down somebody really important. I lost myself for just a second. And all because I didn't stop to think first. I've been so crazed about the whole "independence" thing, I don't recognize myself anymore. I've been too into the whole 'stay away from home as much as possible' thing, I don't know where I belong anymore. And to hear the perspective of somebody you care for about how you're acting..sometimes it' s hard for your own ears to hear it because it's difficult to believe. But we all need somebody to tell us when we're acting stupidly or indecent. Because sometimes it's hard to realize yourself, unless somebody tells you. Because sometimes you get too caught up in the moment..in the environment..so much that you lose yourself. My self-esteem is at an all-time low right now. I've never felt so bad about myself. I've never felt so worthless, looking at the person I care about most. It's too easy to lose everything you've ever believed in. Too easy to fall into something you never really thought you would. It's too easy to lose yourself. Too easy to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Too easy to lose everything in a small second, when you had everything you could ever want from life. I feel like crap. And I don't deserve to feel any better..

i want to die by nutella.

theater

This morning, I woke up really early. I didn't have to run across campus just to make it on time to my 8 o'clock class. I usually have to on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because attendance matters for my Theater class. I actually got there with 20 minutes to spare! What an accomplishment! So for about ten of those fifteen minutes, I sat by our water geyser thingamabobs hahaha. It was really relaxing, just hearing the sound of the water. It's nice to be able to sit for awhile sometimes, and just be. I feel like I'm usually always walking around doing something, or going somewhere. Sometimes it's nice to just sit and be. Not even think; just BE. Anyway, today's theater class was fun! We have this group project where you pick a song that tells a story, and your group has to act it out like a play. Our group did a funny number: Jizz In My Pants. [Somehow, I seem to always end up being involved with that song..hahaha I had flashbacks of Mr. Patriot with Vishal!] There were two other groups in my class that were my favorite numbers. The first group did Runaway Love by Mary J. Blige. And God knows how much I looooove that song! I had a phase of being obsessed with it for awhile before. But they did so good! It was deep and I even wanted to cry during some parts [if you don't know what I mean, watch the music video!]. Good stuff. The third group did Hotel California, and it was absolutely AMAZING. They acted out metaphors and it was so deep. It brought out the underlying meaning of the song. Like, when you first hear that song, you think of: California, beaches, girls, drinking, etc. But when you actually listen to the words or watch it being performed, you see the whole other side of it. It's actually a really dark song. It was cool. I wish we did more projects like this in Intro to Acting. We actually got to act today! Hahah. The class is more like a way of getting people to be more open and more comfortable with themselves. The only acting we've done is this project, and our personal monologues. Yeah, so that was my day in school. Now I'm not doing anything, so I figured it would be a good time to blog. Hahah. I want to buy hashbrowns, so off I go! Have a nice day [:

dear blog,

I'm sorry I've been so MIA. I feel like I haven't written anything worthwhile in such a long time. And that includes in my classes too. I don't do much writing in any of my classes this semester. Like Athena, Gaby, and I were saying last night: I don't want to lose my writing skills. I think I'm going to have to make myself blog at least a couple times a week again. Cuz I miss writing. I need to find a good book too; I haven't read for pleasure since the beginning of summer. Well, on another note, life has been quite a ride lately. I'm having a blast with Modern and everyone I've met through PAC are so nice and friendly. School doesn't really feel like school, considering the rigor I'm so used to from Oxford. But I like it. Next semester though, I'm planning on taking as many classes as I can hopefully handle and actually make myself work. I've given myself this first semester to adjust and transition into the college life, and now it's time to get back to business. I must keep myself from falling into any laziness and I must not forget why I go to school: to graduate. Well this is all I have time for now. I shall post again sometime soon. TTFN - ta ta for now!

♥ rona