Friday, November 13, 2009
It all happened so fast. I didn't stop to think first. I don't know why. I don't have a really good reason for doing what I did..and that's what makes it all worse. I let down somebody really important. I lost myself for just a second. And all because I didn't stop to think first. I've been so crazed about the whole "independence" thing, I don't recognize myself anymore. I've been too into the whole 'stay away from home as much as possible' thing, I don't know where I belong anymore. And to hear the perspective of somebody you care for about how you're acting..sometimes it' s hard for your own ears to hear it because it's difficult to believe. But we all need somebody to tell us when we're acting stupidly or indecent. Because sometimes it's hard to realize yourself, unless somebody tells you. Because sometimes you get too caught up in the moment..in the environment..so much that you lose yourself. My self-esteem is at an all-time low right now. I've never felt so bad about myself. I've never felt so worthless, looking at the person I care about most. It's too easy to lose everything you've ever believed in. Too easy to fall into something you never really thought you would. It's too easy to lose yourself. Too easy to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Too easy to lose everything in a small second, when you had everything you could ever want from life. I feel like crap. And I don't deserve to feel any better..