random blog.

im really bored with nothing to do so im just gonna randomly blog right now. i had a strange dream last night. there was this guy chasing me...with a SNAKE! and he was trying to get the snake to bite my back.. and i was running away. then i got distracted by something.. and the guy got ahold of me, and then i felt the stinging pain of the snake in my back. then the guy just left me and i realized i wasnt dying.. turns out, the guy wasnt trying to kill me.. he was trying to change my pupils to being pure black. wtfreaaaaaak. strangest dream ever hahaa. hmmmm. i havent gone shopping for myself in a very long time. too bad i dont have money. well, i have some, but i kinda want to save it. but i still want to buy things. hahaha. so needy(: i still want greeeen pants. arghh. cant find them anywhereee. well im picky about the shade of it thats probably why. hahha. so basically im really enjoying my new laptop. and my dad got me a mouse for it just because. and im enjoying this wireless mouse thing too. hahahha. and having a webcam with audio is awesome too. hahaha. mann. it's 10:53. that means my internet is gonna die on me pretty soon. my parents set our modem to turn off the wireless internet at 11oclock... effmylife. hahaha. alrighteee. im out.

takipsilim.

okay. i really have to post about this. so i was reading around on different forums and a lot of fil-ams are upset about this. theyre upset that the philippines always bites off other countries' movies/shows/songs/etc, pretty much anything that becomes a hit. it does bother me a little bit, but some people are so extreme, saying stuff like theyre gonna disown their country. like really? please just take some time to read my reasons before you go and disown your own freakin country.

reasons why i think they should continue with this project to create a filipino version of Twilight:



1. abs-cbn (filipino channel network) BOUGHT the PERMISSION to create a filipino version of Twilight for over one million dollars. if they bought the permission, obviously stephanie meyer's people AGREEED to letting the philippines do it, obviously with GOOD reason.

2. filipino soap operas/teleseryes are only second to korean dramas. abs-cbn has created AMAZING tv shows. sure some of their attempts at fantasy are kinda lame, but thats only due to the not-so-advanced special effects. but i mean really, if LOBO (with angel locsin and piolo pascual) was able to be a big hit, why not Twilight/Takipsilim?

3. speaking of Lobo.. Twilight is kinda similar to it, so i dont understand why youre all making a big fuss about it. in Lobo, angel locsin was a werewolf-type persona who fell in love with a human. vampires? werewolves? come on now, suck it up. Lobo was a huge success as a tv series. give Twilight a chance.

4. youre gonna say that Twilight is different from Lobo because Twilight came from a book series. yeah, i know. BUT really, ALL movies that came from books does not even COMPARE to the book. the Twilight movie? youre joking me if youre saying it was great, with the book in mind. the Twilight movie was missing so much stuff. and the entire first half of the movie was just ridiculously awkward and empty. you cant compare books to their movies; no matter what series, even harry potter. you always have to think of the books and the movies are separate things.

5. now that we're talking about the Twilight movie, that chic who played bella swan? totally unbelievable. throughout the whole movie, i didnt feel she loved edward at all. being OBSESSED with someone is different from being so in love with someone. reading the saga series, you can feel that bella swan loves edward cullen. in the movie, she was just this awkward and obsessive freak. her acting was horrible. now, to relate it back to Takipsilim, filipinos are THE BEST at acting when it comes to love. the twilight series is ALL ABOUT LOVE. who else better to actually make that come to life than Filipinos? Filipinos are the best lovers, acting and real-life. YOU canNOT deny that.

6. some filipino actors&actresses are better than hollywood stars. i just proved that with number five. of course i wont deny that there are some filipino stars who try way too hard, cuz i totally agreeeee with you.

7. making Twilight a daily television series has a better chance of having details by stephanie meyers. personally i thought the Twilight movie was missing a lot. jamming really good books into movies is a horrible idea that people try to achieve.

8. Takipsilim is supposed to be a filipino version, NOT AN EXACT REPLICA. changes? of course there's gonna be changes; of course it's gonna be different. cuz its ANOTHER VERSION. i repeat, ANOTHER VERSION. Takipsilim is NOT supposed to be another COPY of twilight. just treat Twilight and Takipsilim as two separate entities.

i hope you take what ive said into consideration and try to see both sides of the story before you disown your own country. it's not a bad thing that filipinos like to make their own version of things. they're just trying to add filipino flavor to the world.. why you hatin'? why you trippin? please just relax and have some more pride for your own country for goodness sakes.

thank you for reading. please spread the word.

needy.

where?! ajsfdk;lkajsdfljasdlkfja;sldkfjasldl;

trying.

if that's what you want...

& the lion fell in love with the lamb.

twilight apparel from hot topic is soooo expensive :[
theres a black hoodie that says "twilight" on the front. and on the back it says "i dream about being with you forever." its 34bucks!!! waaaaaaah. hahahaha. oh well. twilight has me sooo freakin obsessed its ridiculous. i want:







gaby completed my christmas by getting me new moon (:
and christmas hasnt even come yet! :D :D :D :D
thanks again gabs!!

menstrual cycle.

last week was bad. this week was horrible. today was just crap. i sat on a bench and just cried. idk why. i think its the period. (during my menstrual cycle i become more sensitive than i already am. which i didnt think was possible. haha.)

then tonight i hesitatingly went to kreative practice and i feel like the past two weeks never existed. honestly, sometimes i forget how much dance means to me. maaan oh mann.

ps. i love my dog ritzy ♥

numbers.

i dont know why i havent posted in a month.

the number nine is starting to grow on me... NO! i refuse. nine is an upside down six. six is my favorite number! not nine.. upside down? maybe my life is slowly turning upside down. okay, maybe not that dramatic. i guess change. it's impossible to count the number of times ive ever talked about 'change' in any of my blogs. it's like this thing that i cant really get over. like i cant accept the fact that it has to exist in this world. hahaha. odd really. like an odd number. an odd number like nine.. but i like six. six is even, not odd. studies (that i havent looked up, teehee) show that the number nine is more often a favorite number than six. baaah! i refuse to give in to the world :O haha. i speak as if the world is forcing me to like the number nine.. sometimes... when youre confused about situations, your mind begins to create ideas...

im not sure i have any clue what im talking about anymore. i have a point hidden somewhere in this. but my brain is too overwhelmed by heart of darkness to think it through. oh well. i guess the number nine isnt too bad. i mean come on, it is an important date to you, rona.

cliff hanger.

i dont know if i should turn back now, or just keep going.

vexed

ive been thinking a lot lately. with about twenty six days left of the month, and the end of sending in college apps... it makes me nervous to think that i STILL dont know what im doing. couple months ago i was attempting to make these decisions based on other factors in my life, not really where i wanted to go or what i wanted to do. but as im trying to fill in these apps right now, i keep thinking, why am i applying here? and to be honest, i cant ever give myself (or anyone) a real answer. and whenever i keep thinking about what i should check/type in as my "intended major" i default to chemistry. a lot of people have given me the WTH look; especially people in my family.. thing is, i cant think of anything else i would seriously intended on marking as my "intended major." dont get me wrong though, im COMPLETELY intimidated by the rigor of taking a chemistry-major path, especially when a lot of things in ap chem still confuse me. but i like chemistry. at least, i think i do. it's the only class subject i feel like i actually enjoy. why dont i major in english writing or something? i like to write..but i never really found myself confident enough to pursue a writing career. writing was always just a hobby, or a way of venting. what about choir related stuff? singing? out of the question. haha my singing is only meant for crazy karaoke parties. dancing? the thought has come to mind, of course. something just tells me that im not gonna get anywhere in life if seriously go into dancing... as much as i love it. iono.. i have even thought about theater or acting. i mean i love performing so much, right? something like that. but thats just a crazy, crazy life that i dont know i would be emotionally strong enough to handle hahaha.. besides, i dont really have any experience in acting. i hate history or anything history related, and i hate math. i kinda feel like i dont have any other option but to mark chemistry. cuz i actually like it, despite its difficulty. I DONT KNOW! ugh. my parents keep asking me what i want TO BE. and i have to freaking clue. and its driving me insane. people try to comfort me and tell me that its okay that i dont know yet. that the first years of college are about finding that out. but even knowing that, i still cant push away that scared/nervous feeling. the fact that im going into college without a freaking IDEA of what i want to be, or even what field i want to explore, reaaaaally makes me nervous... i just hate uncertainty. speaking of uncertainty, it may be too early for some people to think about the end of this year already, but ive been thinking about it for months. even since last year. it's not so fun. i hate that i dont know the slightest idea what might happen next summer, next fall, next winter... you get the idea. i guess i was never one who adapted well to change. but at the same time, theres other aspects of my life that i DO want changed. i want to get out of my house. iono how bad that sounds, but i really just want to get away from my parents. sorry. another thing, i almost want to start over as a person, once college rolls around. okay, so maybe not start over, because im a believer in the view that the past is important in making us who we are today. but i guess i just want to start a new life... in certain aspects. in others... im not so sure if i can handle change. but i'll see i guess. theres so much going through my mind these days, i can barely keep track. i need a job. but i need a car. but i need money. agh. and then my debut is coming up. which is gonna be hella fun, but stressful i know. high school is almost over. day by day its slowing starting to hit me. i look around though, and it doesnt seem to be hitting anyone else yet. i mean, to think that i might not ever see the person next me ever again after june? its bewildering. and i dont know what to make of it sometimes. i want to speak out, but im scared so i keep a lot of things in. i feel like i need to just sit with someone and talk, but whenever i get the chance, im speechless. i dont know.. this year i seem a lot more controlled and stable in comparison to last but in reality, i dont feel that way inside. in my mind, it's all still there. and the closer and closer it gets to november 30.. then june.. i feel like its too much too handle sometimes. i dont know. i need a good time. and some air. sigh.

in other news, im looking forward to thanksgiving dinner without my braces this year. wooohooo. and i kinda really wish it was winter break already.

so together, but so broken up inside.

seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me. i used to stand so tall, i used to be so strong. your arms around me tight, everything, it felt so right. unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong.. now i can't breathe. no, i can't sleep. i'm barely hanging on. here i am, once again. i'm torn into pieces. can't deny it, can't pretend. just thought you were the one. broken up, deep inside..but you won't get to see the tears i cry, behind these hazel eyes. i told you everything, opened up and let you in. you made me feel alright, for once in my life. now all that's left of me is what i pretend to be. so together, but so broken up inside. cause i can't breathe. no, i can't sleep. i'm barely hangin' on.


nah, i wont take credit for kelly clarkson's talent for song writing. or whoever wrote her songs. powerful stuff, freaaaals. anyway, i dont really feel like updating. happy halloween.

adrenaline.

the simplified definition (without going into all the specifics of anatomy): A hormone secreted by the adrenal glands that helps the body meet physical or emotional stress. and to make things even more simple: what you get when your heart starts beating faster due to fear, excitement, or anger.

chocolate cake. old pictures. microphone. spiders. repeated questions. cheesecake. stage. sound of footsteps. handwritten letters. old binder covers. rediscovered doodle pages. poetry. dark shadows. songs written and sang for me. lost papers. reuniting. laughter. staring strangers. soft kisses. apathetic people. icebox hearts. paper roses. broken pencils. misplaced erasers. starbucks frappuccino. in n out animal fries. awkward situations. unfortunate fate. surprises. picnics. uncertainty. college. hancock. having one effing earring. new socks. holding hands. confrontation. winning. wasting. dance. death. driving. airplane flights. being taken for granted. a hug.

what gives YOU an adrenaline rush? (thats not a rhetorical question, though you dont have to answer it if you dont want to i guess hahaha)




ps. this post is by special request(: for those who are up until four in the morning, looking for something to read..haha. i hope this was worth the read..

education.

sometimes i think, we should analyze song lyrics in english class. i think people would learn more useful things they could use in real life situations.



If I were a boy, even just for a day. Id roll outta bed in the morning, and throw on what I wanted then go. Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls. Id kick it with who I wanted, and Id never get confronted for it. Cause theyd stick up for me.

[Chorus] If I were a boy, I think I could understand. How it feels to love a girl; I swear Id be a better man. Id listen to her. Cause I know how it hurts. When you lose the one you wanted, cause hes taken you for granted. And everything you had got destroyed.

If I were a boy I could turn off my phone. Tell evveryone its broken, so theyd think that I was sleepin alone. Id put myself first and make the rules as I go. Cause I know that shed be faithful waitin for me to come home.

(Chorus)

But youre just a boy.. you dont understand. How it feels to love a girl someday.. you wish you were a better man. You dont listen to her. You dont care how it hurts. Until you lose the one you wanted, cause youve taken her for granted. And everything you have got destroyed. But youre just a boy.

secret wish list.

here's a few things on my to-do list that id like to do with someone; anyone. but shhhhh. its a secret wish list.

- i want to run along the ocean shore with someone.
- i want someone to take me on a picnic. and just because. not for a special occasion. just because.
- i want to dance with someone in the rain. literally. haha.
- i want to stargaze with someone under the moonlight.
- i want someone to go parasailing with me.
- i want someone to convince me to go skydiving with them :O
- i want to drive along the entire coast of california with someone. pch all the way(:
- i want to plant something with someone and bury a note with it or smthing. maybe even a capsule! and then come back to it ten years later.
- i want to lay on someone's rooftop and sleep there for a night.
- i want to make a music video with someone. for fun(:
- i want to write a song with someone and then duet it with them.
- i want to share a banana split with somebody.
- i want to invent something with someone. and create only two that work. one for each of us(:
- i want to drive super fast on the highway with the windows all down at night and music blasting from the radio. daaaaaayumm.
- i want to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with someone. hahaha.
- i want a post-it note buddy that i can leave around happy notes in unexpected places with.
- i want to ride on someone's shoulders. [ october 11(: ]
- i want to clutch to someones waist on a motorcycle.
- i want to chug down ONE shake with someone: two straws!
- i want to bake a cake with someone. and then decorate it with them(:
- i want to watch a concert with someone.


wishful thinking. sigh.

update.

hello world. sorry i havent updated in forever. and that sorry is more towards myself; no one else reads this anyway. haha. hmmm what has happened... not much of anything really. senior year is really chill so far, especially since i have hodges, and im in calc p. whenever i hear some bc kid complain, i thank God im in calc p. wooohoooo. same goes for the larson kids. buahahahahahahaha. so anyway, enough about schoool. last weekend i was in pleasanton, ca for a dance competition: WORLD OF DANCE! it was the best experience EVER. like seriously, one of the best three minutes and fifty seconds of my LIFE. i am so glad i was able to go, even if i didnt get to stay in the same hotel as the rest of the team :[ and im really depressed i cant do SIO or maxt out. but i guess ill get over it eventually :[ haha. anyway. WOD was the best(: i bought shirts, got free sunglasses, and placed third with the rest of my amazing dance team. weeeeeeeeeeeeee.

dance seems to be my only constant nowadays..


you know, i dont even remember this picture... HAHAHAHA(:

whatever it takes.

To get up in the morning only to know that you will have to face another obstacle takes strength. To smile when the only thing you can do is cry takes bravery. To act happy and laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes courage. To be joyous when the only good news is the best of the bad news takes support. To be there and help others through the roughest times in life takes love.

productivity.

the best part about not being in the mood to talk to anyone is that i get SO MUCH done. i just finished all my chem homework, which is due next thursday. hahaha weeeeee(:

bubbles

blow it all away

hello general public.

i already noticed that this is my BIGGEST pet peeve, back in june. but im just going to say it again. i hate flakes. people who dont show up for things or dont do what they say they will. truthfully, i really couldnt care any less about your presence or what you decide to do with your time, but at least have the courtesy to tell someone youre gonna flake so people can stop expecting anything from you. save the world some time, will ya?

louder than words

Why do we play with fire? Why do we run our finger through the flame? Why do we leave our hand on the stove, although we know, we're in for some pain? Oh, why do we refuse to hang a light? When the streets are dangerous? Why does it take an accident, before the truth gets through to us?

Cages or wings, which do you prefer? Ask the birds. Fear or love, baby, don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words.

Why should we try to be our best? When we can just get by and still gain? Why do we nod our heads although we know the boss is wrong as rain? Why should we blaze a trail when the well worn path, seems safe and so inviting? How, as we travel, can we see the dismay and keep from fighting?

Cages or wings, which do you prefer? Ask the birds. Fear or love, baby, don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words.

What does it take to wake up a generation? How can you make someone take off and fly? If we don't wake up and shake up the nation. We'll eat the dust of the world wondering why. Why do we stay with lovers who we know down deep just aren't right? Why would we rather put ourselves through hell than sleep alone at night? Why do we follow the leaders who never lead? Why does it take catastrophe to start a revolution? If we're so free, tell me why, someone tell me why, so many people bleed.

Cages or wings, which do you prefer? Ask the birds. Fear or love, baby, don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words.

blast to the past.

last night was hella fun(: like seriously, i dont remember the last time i was that CRAZY! and loud! hahahaha! (well actually i do...) so anjelica and i planned this minireunion dinner at olive garden, and to be honest we didnt expect that many people to be up for it. but it was chill. there were like, thirteen? fourteen? of us last night. a few flakes, but thats life. i hate flakes.. anyway. last night was so so much fun. it was so chill just talking about elementary days and like, what we've been up to all these years and stuff. and for me, it was just interesting to listen to stories of kids from "normal" high schools, nawwmeaan? my friend james was like, "rona, you need to LIVE! yall need to hangout with ME for like a week or something!" haha all i could do was laugh. another old friend just passed by to say watsup, and it made me sad. he's kinda.. messed up.. drinking and smoking when we saw him :[ well yah, but last night was so fun. and sometimes awkward.. hahaha. too bad i didnt take any pictures =/

seeing old friends reminded me of how i used to be(: i miss that. so much. i miss them a lot too. but i dont regret anything that has changed me to be the person that ive become. of course there's always room for improvement. you cant always just forget everything of the past.. cuz then you never really learn from your mistakes. if you just forgot everything, you wouldnt realize how you need to adapt or change. theres a difference though of forgetting and lingering. i do admit i linger in the past; it's one of those things that i need to improve of myself. but others need to realize, too, that you can still move on with life while remembering things.. just as long as you dont linger as long as i do. ill work on that.

gravity

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone. You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain. Something always brings me back to you.. It never takes too long.




comments from: here
by aabigaill: A girl loving a guy but knowing she can't have him. Knowing that he loves her back only makes everything so much more difficult and though she knows that moving on is what's probably best, every time she tries she finds herself back at him because she just can't let go. Her loving him is only hurting her 'Set me free, leave me be' but she can't help hanging on to the hope that maybe one day things will change and it will be possible for them to be together.
by ecr: He holds her without touch, without chains, meaning not physically. She has a false bravado which makes her think she is strong enough to leave him. But her insecurities keep bringing her back to him and whatever fragile strength she has gained disappears. She is very conflicted in wanting her independence but not wanting to be alone.

cleaning my hands.

so lately ive been really obsessed with washing my hands. i think it's because i keep tryna look for something to do.. someway to keep myself busy... and well, summer homework just isnt appealing, despite the fact that school starts in about a week :O anyway, about washing my hands. my dad bought this new hand soap. and it's just a general brand name, but like, its "black raspberry and vanilla" scented. and im so in love with it. the scent is just so... new. and refreshing. and i keep washing my hands.. keep wanting to start over.. and just wash them again and again. and this song is also my new obsession. along with the freakin handsoap. black raspberry and vanilla. i could get high off that stuff.

hello

this is the most depressing song ever. even after brian mcknight.. ha ha..

empty

panginoon dyos..

please. sabihin mo sa'kin na tama ang ginawa ko..
at sabihin mo sa'kin na hindi ito ang katapusan..
dahil umaasa pa ako..
balang araw.. sana nga po.



bakit ba ang hirap itigil ang sarili kong umiyak

rafael casal.

"soul spew" (:

(9:56:18 PM): its not that you've changed, its that you need someone to help you up
its always like he knows the right words to say. and can always put into words what i struggle trying to say. hahaha.

* * * *
along with missing kelly clarkson, i miss paula deanda. haha. old stuff = good stuff.

whats up lonely

bluuuuuee- im gettin kinda close to youuu. Like a shadow I can't lose. Hey, you've been hanging with me everyday. NOW YOURE GETTING IN MY WAY.

Sometimes I wish you weren't by my side. Can't you find another shoulder, cause I wanna leave this broken heart behind. We're both wasting too much time. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO RAIN ON. I'm really getting tired of singin' this sad song.

this isnt the music video for this song, obviously. hah. it's time to move on. im beginning to learn to live for myself. someone told me, "it's the only way you'll be able to deal with this life." im starting to believe him.. even though it hurts.



oh and i dont know, i don't know what he's after.. but he’s so beautiful, such a beautiful disaster. and if i could hold on, through the tears and the laughter, would it be beautiful? or just a beautiful disaster?



i freakin miss kelly clarkson. i spent all morning listening to her old stuff. i really freaking miss her. hahaha.

disturbia.

officially the awesomest music video ever. did you know chris brown helped write this song?! maaan i didnt think i could love this song even more! hahahahaha [;

the thing that creeps me out the most is the spiders...freaakinay! i hate spiders! woooaah!

compassion and fear

ME (11:22:19 PM): lately ive been praying. not for things to be good, but just for strength.
ME (11:22:29 PM): to be able to deal with whatever comes.
FRIEND (11:22:55 PM): thats good that you mention that
FRIEND (11:23:14 PM): i was once told that god rarely gives strength to those who ask
FRIEND (11:23:19 PM): for the will to continue.
FRIEND (11:24:04 PM): i asked, why would he do that?
FRIEND (11:24:22 PM): they said because the strength and will is already in all of us.
FRIEND (11:24:38 PM): it isn't a matter of deciding when and how to use this,
FRIEND (11:25:00 PM): its the realization that this power is in all of us, ready to be accepted, ready to change the world
FRIEND (11:25:17 PM): so you don't need any more strength rona

you know, i never thought about it that way. maybe thats why no matter how many times i pray, or how hard i pray, i havent really been able to find that satisfaction in life. im looking for all the wrong things. i shouldnt pray for strength, he says, but for the realization that i have the power to use the strength hidden within me, to change the world around me. last wednesday when i went to church, i prayed (for the sevenhundredth time) for strength. i asked God to give me the strength to move on past whatever hits me; the strength to accept change as it comes in this vital point of my life. but my friend says i shouldnt pray for strength. i just need to find it..
when i go to church again tomorrow, i shall pray for something different.

FRIEND (11:47:16 PM): i believe in rona
FRIEND (11:48:02 PM): you are genuine, emotional, fun loving, respectable, respected, and a girl who isn't afraid to be afraid
FRIEND (11:48:35 PM): listen to what [he] says,
FRIEND (11:48:41 PM): what friends say.
ME (11:48:51 PM): a lot of them believe i create problems..
FRIEND (11:49:01 PM): i don't
FRIEND (11:49:04 PM): i promise you.
FRIEND (11:49:13 PM): you're willing to face them
FRIEND (11:49:41 PM): to me, its terrible and inhuman to hide something as genuine as compassion, or as strong as fear

vacation..

so much for that..

seventeen years worth of suppressed anger emotion is ugly when it finally explodes.

one more year..alsfj;asldfjk;

*sigh

i almost want school to start already.

lucky.

you know, i think the 100 calorie packs are so useless! they just make me want more..HAHA. i was eating a 100calorie bag of little bite brownies. and i was like, this is so unsatisfying! so i got another pack...the next thing i knew, i had already eaten four bags. thats FOURHUNDRED calories! hahahah whoever invented 100 calorie bags..sorry your strategy isnt workin for me hahaha. uhmmm....TRANSITIONNNNN!

DISCLAIMER: for the sake of being interesting, i exaggerate a lot and speak off stereotypes. you'll get over it(:

girls vs. guys: the ugly
1. girls are such gossips. doesnt matter how many times they say, "i wouldnt talk about anyone behind their back, honest!" the next thing you know, they're with their girlies sitting at a cafe, or having sleepovers, talking about how awkward so-and-so look together or how so-and-so's style is out of this world, or how so-and-so just doesnt stop talking! 2. girls are so unforgiving. doesnt matter how many times they say that they're the kind of person who doesnt hold grudges, that life is too short for that crap... they do anyway. and the worst part? they do it unconsciously. they dont mean to. it just happens. once you screw up with them, everything changes, and all of a sudden they hang out with other people, and you move down their top friends list. and its so hard to regain their trust, so hard to regain your place. 3. girls are too forgiving. a girl never forgets, but they're too willing to give people chances even when they dont deserve it. they dont care that you made them cry, they'll go on loving you anyway. because life's too short for all that crap...right? 4. girls are so self-contradictory! see number two and three. 5. girls are hella moody and it seems like they have their period more than once a month. one day they are having the time of their life, and the next they're really pissed about something. or they're crying their heart out. and then the next day, they dont remember that they cried the day before. it's always a surprise whether you see a smile or a frown.
1. guys dont care enough. either that or they just choose to act so tough. they dont like everyone knowing that they have a heart. they hate showing weakness and vulnerability. 2. guys would choose things over people. people think girls are so materialistic, but if you really think about it, guys care more about the money, the nice cars, the biggest tv, the latest game consoles. girls are just obsessed about clothes&jewelry. but guys wouldnt second think about keeping a girl or keeping his car. 3. guys are afraid of commitment. any sign of seriousness, off they go! they cant stay in one place for too long. 4. "guys get bored easily." self explanatory. 5. guys always think that they are right. whatever they say or feel seems to be the only point of view, because anything you say is just wrong or ridiculous. they're closed minded and their world is limited to what happens around themselves.

girls vs. guys: the good
1. girls make the best lovers (except for when you make them jealous. then theyre bitches). they're willing to give their all for someone they completely adore. a girl may be mad or upset sometimes, but you'll always know that she still loves you. oh, and she wouldnt chose anything material over you. 2. girls know how to act, and when to act. they know the appropriate times to be serious and the right time to mess around. theyve got their morals set out, and they always stick to them. 3. girls know how to look good without even trying. self explanatory. they're just so damn irresistible, if youre a guy OR a girl. HAHAHA! 4. having a girl best friend is like having your own personal advisor, personal hair stylist, personal fashion advisor, personal EVERYTHING. girls just know how to run lives. period.
1. guys make the best friends, if youre a girl. they're always willing to give their opinion (of course, cuz theyre always right) and when youre real close, he looks out for you. he lets you cry when some guy breaks your heart, and calls him a jackass, just to make you feel better. and if youre a guy, well, guys make the best friends because you can be gay with him and not actually be gay (lmfao i had to laugh hahhaa). 2. guys are always chill, and they know how to have fun. they make you not worry so much about stupid things, and can actually be really encouraging. guys are just so relaxed most of their life. 3. guys are always honest. sometimes they might go around the bush, but it's always the truth (thats why its so easy to believe them when they lie..and when they do, it hurts like a muddaheffer). 4. guys know how to make a girl feel good. they know all that corny shit works most of the time, so they take advantage of it. and if youre REALLY lucky, your guy always adds twists to all the corny to make it his own, or to be original.

the good and the bad. but hey, we're all only human(: we're just lucky men and women can live together in peace. sorta. HAHAHA.

prisoner of words.

i had to. alicia keys is definitely talented. daaaamn this one makes me love poetry so much.

im a prisoner of words unsaid, just lonely feelins locked away in my head. i trap myself further everytime i stay quiet. i should start to speak but i stop and stay silent.

ps. if you havent seen the ones in the previous post, go watch them(:

def jam. poetry.

funny how things work out, isnt it? and how some things...just fall into place? (: anyway, been watching defpoetry/spokenword lately. now everybody knows the shihan this type love piece. but these are almost just as good(:



i like this one too. a looooot. theres a 2nd part too. look it up on youtube to watch it(:


dammmn i love poetry (:
ps. if you're interested, look up rafael casal. barbie and ken 101, and first week after a breakup. awesome stuff. he's great with metaphors. and has deep stuff to say. and dont just close the video when you see that he's white.. cuz he's tight(;

O brave new world.. Let's start at once.

"actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. and, of course, stability isnt nearly so spectacular as instability. and being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. happiness is never grand." -p221

"one cant have something for nothing. happiness has got to be paid for." -p228

usually every time after i finish a book from school, i always post my favorite quotes from it and discuss a few things. these two quotes were the only ones i felt like were worth marking and folding pages for. generally, i didnt like this book as much as i did 1984 (which i realize, i never posted about... hmm). the first half of this book was just dreadful for me to go through. promiscuity all over the place just bugged the hell out of me. everyone belongs to everyone else?! what bull is that...i hate immorality. but i have to admit, i liked the last quarter of the book. i dont really feel like going into depth about my thoughts of what huxley and orwell tried to portray. maybe another day. i will say this though: i think they're right. hahahahahhaa.

watching the teen choice awards got me thinking about some celebrities. i hate miley cyrus. im sorry. yes, her songs are catchy as hell, but have you ever really listened to her freakin voice?! i cant stand it. i also cant stand really listening to the Jonas Brothers' voices. they're just as bad. but, im a girl and a little biased... i mean, nick jonas!! he's so buff for what...fifteen? yeah. whatever. anyway just goes to show how shallow america is. hahaha. i'll tell you who i really like. demi lavato and selena gomez. demi is just a lot of fun, and selena gomez is a goddess. truthfully, i like demi's voice better than miley, though its not a hella lot better. but hey, who am i to be a critic of these people, right? im just jealous cuz i dont get to be in movies(; hahahahha! now, vanessa hudgens. she's now on neutrogena commercials, trying to pick up her career after it got pierced with her scandalous photos. have you seen her music video for "sneaker night?" thats a horrible song, and a horrible video. vanessa hudgens and miley cyrus. i strongly dislike them both. BUT LISTEN! i hated them both BEFORE any scandal of them came out. but, i am a guilty high school musical fan, and yes im going to see it in theaters. i swear its not because of zac efron. i hate pretty boys! (except maybe..nick jonas..haha shh) but seriously, im just a sucker for musical movies. hmmm...i still love will smith. he will always be just an amazing actor. i think some of his movies underestimate his true potential of acting. shia labeouf. i think he has a lot of potential, but the movies he keeps getting put in, arent the greatest. except transformers! which is the ish. btw, they're filming the 2nd movie and i cant wait to see how that turns out. he got arrested for a DUI. hahahaha. truthfully, im not surprised. all celebrities get arrested for that. i mean seriously, get drunk all you want, but hire a freaking driver! geeez. well i cant think of anyone else to pick on right now. so i think im done(:

lets just be.

ever had that feeling where all of a sudden, everything was just....better? like things finally started making sense.. haha. iono. sometimes it just takes another person to tell you that you need to relax and have a little faith and some condonation. oh, aaand i dont want to look like my mom at the young age of seventeen. dont want extra lines on my face! (ahaha shhh dont tell her i said that!). no more inexorable (i use that word a lot, did you notice?! haha) situations. nike. just do it. verb. it's what you do. if God put me to it, he'll pull me through it. give and take. i dont know what other trites or general statements could fit perfectly into my state of mind right now, but yeah, there are a few. hahaa. let's just hope it's not so ephemeral. hahhaa. yay im getting better at this word choice thing.

give me the greenlight(:

hmmm. no wonder i was in such a down mood last week. eff pms. being a girl sucks! (sometimes)


[edit]
im scared of change. so so afraid.

wait in vain.

so this morning i went on a three mile run again. it was lovely. except for.... i was running down la palma when i hear someone on a bike behind me. naturally, i move to the right to let him pass. only...he didnt want to pass me. all of a sudden, the old cholo rides right next to me as im jogging, and starts to fcking sweet talk me IN SPANISH. i was like AGHH ADLKSFJ;AFJ;D. yo queria gritar a el, 'no entiendo espanol!' pero me quede en silencio, porque realmente, no queria hablar con un extranjero. but omg he followed me for like un minuto and it was really uncomfortable and awkward!! aghhh. eventually he stopped following me.. freaking. its dangerous on the streets..
well anyway so i got to the park and i laid on the grass for two hours. it was the longest freakin two hours of my life, but it was kinda relaxing. i guess. i think i have ants in my vagina. i hate ants. so fcking annoying ajskdfl; disturbances of peace! agh. well, there was a filipino party going on and i was just listening to the filipino music that i so love. hahaha. yah but anyway, the park isnt all that great when youre by yourself. i dont know why i laid there for two hours, i must have been waiting for something exciting to happen. like, iono maybe another earthquake. well after two hours was up, i was too tired to even try running home, and it was burning hot out. so i walked home instead. took me an hour. lesson of the day: strangers are rude, for staring and yelling at you from their cars; and just ignore any fcking old cholos that try to get you to be their novia. im in a bad mood :[ help me..

earthquake!

at 11:42AM today, a 5.8 magnitute earthquake hit southern california. the epicenter was in diamond bar, and it lasted about half a minute. this is basically how it went down. i was home alone, on my bed reading, finishing up Word Power. then my house started to freakin shake like MAD and the headboard of my bed almost fell over. the first thing that came to my mind was... "SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BREAK INTO MY HOUSE!" i dont know why that was the first thing i thought of, but is was. lmfao. then i was like..wth am i saying. then i literally screamed EARTHQUAKE! as if i was warning someone else in the house. then i literally DOVE under my desk, from my bed. it was awesome! me and my ninja-like skills. hahahaajk. but i realized today, that i am deathly afraid of earthquakes. like, my heart was seriously pounding. and for some odd reason, as soon as i was under my desk, i started counting. i dont know why i started counting..haha. but yeah. i was pretty annoyed with the cellphone madness after the earthquake though. i couldnt get any calls through for like an hour. it was horrible and i was yelling at the tv when the news was trying to explain why the phone companies were going mad. hahahaha. ohhhh and the news also said that this 5.8 earthquake is a FORESHOCK to one that will be bigger, and coming in the next ten years. FOREshock?! i hope im not as much of a sissy when im 27 than now. ahhahaha [:

yah so newest thing i learned about myself. im very scared of earthquakes.

*courstesy of Postsecret

i kissed a girl

i love this song. haha. erika david's rendition is waaay better though [:
sorry katy perry. but i think she needs to go back to singing about God.

stay strong.

last night i was feeling like crap. and so three hours ago, i listened to this song on repeat for like, an hour. lol. the times when i feel bad for no particular reason, i just listen to this song and it makes me feel better. yah. just thought id say, since ive been doing a lot of flashbacking lately anyway.

ps. speaking of flashbacking, how old is THIS?! maaanohman [:

on a blogroll.

just thought itd be fun to go back to some of my favorites. and i asterisk-ed my favorites of my favorites. haha. so if youre gonna read any, read those.

january 17, 2007: revelations.
january 26, 2007: post#1
february 21, 2007: almost, but no.
february 28, 2007: so bad
march 1, 2007: lost & found
* march 30, 2007: every fifteen minutes.
july 30, 2007: opportunity
* august 10, 2007: lame attempt to define the undefinable.
november 9, 2007: here we are, yet again.
november 16, 2007: these are my confessions.
december 5, 2007: spencer seventh period!
december 12, 2007: clutch of my heart
* march 23, 2008: frappuccinno with a hint of identity crisis.
* may 22, 2008: true story

love like this.

that's why you keep on runnin in and out of my mind. as the years they'll roll by, baby, now i know why i keep comin back to you. you're the only one that knows me, love it when you hold me, never find a love like this. now i'll never be lonely, look at what you've shown me, never find a love like this. well this life tried to keep us apart, you keep callin me back to your heart. im so glad you found me, wrap you all around me, never find a love like this. all the guys tried to take me, you're the one who saved me, i feel like i owe you my life. and as strange as it may seem, i'll go if you take me home, im willin to sacrifice.



better than the original (;

what the..

as we stepped onto the cruise ship, he took my hand and said, "look..i just need a break, okay?" i gave my fiance this look of confusion, but he just looked away and my hand slowly dropped back to my side. he gave me a key, and put another one back in his pockets. i watched him walk away in silence, as lonely as my own luggage, which sat right by my feet. "excuse me, miss. you dont want to be hit, do you?" a man in a uniform asked me. 'actually, yes i do sir, please hit me' i thought to myself as i soon found my cheek to be moist. i stepped forward and watched the man in the white and blue uniform reel in the stairs, as the ship finally began to move away from the dock. i looked forward again, and searched for my loving fiance, but he was nowhere to be found. i grabbed my luggage and hauled it through the hallways in search of my room. after i had settled in and unpacked my wrinkly clothes in the lonely drawer, i went out by the pool, sunglasses hiding my teary eyes. 'and im supposed to enjoy myself here..? by myself..?' i heard a loud commotion by the pool bar. a tan waitress in a skimpy two piece and an apron was doing wine bottle tricks, with men surrounding her. to her left i spied a man who was playing with her red, wavy hair. a familiar face, with a familiar laugh... my fiance. i got up and left the pool and noticed that i was wet.. though i had not gone swimming. then i heard a voice..a lady's voice crying out for help. i looked to the window on my right and there she was: Lady L, the ship ghost. Her face was pale, her hair was a frizzy mess, and she had a baby in her arms, who only cried harder than she did. running off in the other direction, i ran back through the hallways. but her voice kept following me. i could hear it in the walls, and she kept appearing: every doorway, every window. i ran around the ship, bumping into doors and running into walls, trying to escape the hideous wails of Lady L and her poor baby. i cried harder and it became harder for me to breathe. but i couldnt lose her. everywhere i turned, there she was. with nowhere else to run, i ran to the top deck. still, the ocean wind seemed to carry her voice into my mind. i ran to the edge and point of the ship and closed my eyes, putting my hands to my ears. i stepped closer to the edge... when suddenly somebody's arms wrapped around my waist and whispered in my ear, "it's okay, i'm here for you.." when i opened my eyes i found myself at home in my bed, pillow moist from my tears, legs tired as if i had been running all night... and my own arms wrapped around my own waist.

i cant figure out what all of this means.

officially missing . .

- kidsWB and saturday morning cartoons. they SUCK nowadays, i tried watching this morning..
- fresh prince. watching episodes on youtube all day yesterday, made me love will smith all over again.
- watching ZOOM every freaking day of my life. and speaking UBBI DUBBI.
- the times when the only thing i had to worry about was which shoe went on which foot.
- playing Power Rangers during recess in second grade.
- peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.
- getting happy meals every weekend, only because of the awesome toys.
- NSYNC, OTown, Edens Crush, Scene 23, and Kelly Clarkson
- my elementary besties and the boys from the block.
- owning at nationball & surprising the guys (:
- traditional christmas parties..
- going to the park to play catch and shoot hoops
- having picnics and flying kites
- being bomb at DDR & having unbroken DDR pads.
- children's church choir
- writing & sending letters in the mail
- playing "the cup game"
- the "quadizzle" HAHAHA. i actually had fun with that (:
- Yoshinoya.
- "the book/the list" ;]
- having deep talks at the library, making concept maps and giving code names.
- walking to boba. going to nickel nickel. laying on the grass.
- sixth period pe with ms wetland
- selling ice cream at school every day..hahaha.
- the way you used to be around me
- bsquad/tcrew and fantafour
- running every day..
- mrs levoit.
- the philippines.
- speaking spanishhh. im beginning to lose it already..
- having a best friend i can go shopping with
- girl talks
- taking crazy pictures.
- feeling like i belong somewhere
- advanced girls. only sometimes. but seriously all that estrogen is too much to handle..
- some of the class of 08. awwwmannn..
- dancing with OADK..which will probably be nonexistant next year :[
- seventh period spencer.
- writing poetry.
- sand, breeze, ocean...THE BEACH :[
- reading your mind. and you reading mine.
- YOU! being with you yesterday made me sooo happy :D

the list goes on and on and on and on...and on.

cause it wont be me to walk away.

sometimes its hard to make things clear or know when to face the truth. and i know when the moment is here, ill open my heart and show you inside, my love has no pride. i feel that with you, ive got nothing to hide. so open your eyes and see who i am, and not who you want for me to be. i am only myself. i dont wanna lose you now, we're gonna get through somehow. i dont wanna lose you now or ever. cause baby ive finally found, the courage to stand my ground. but if you want me, ill be around..forever. we all make mistakes, we all lose our way, but we stood the test of time.. and i hope thats the way it will stay. its all up to you, to tell me to go. cause it wont be me to walk away, when youre all that i know. and i know that, i dont wanna lose you now. were gonna get through somehow. i dont wanna lose you now or ever. cause baby Ive finally found, the courage to stand my ground. but if you want me, ill be around forever.-- gloria estefan

flashbaaack

couldnt go to sleep last night, and i ended up going through my old yb inserts haha. man oh man. in junior high, people's penmanship were sooo different! haha kimly! in 7th grade your handwriting in my yb did not look ANYTHING like how your handwriting is now. from 8th and on it was the same though. haha. people also talked very different in jr. high. hahaha includingg meee. anyway, these are some that made me laugh last night (:

seventh grade:
1. "love is the strongest chain that binds a man and a woman" -LOL- see ya next year - (( Will Nguyen ))(hahahha woo this still cracks me up)
2. although a possible computer glitch might have caused us to have all seven classes together, it's been a memorable time at oxford and i hope mahesh doesnt bug you too much. have a nice 8th grad eyear at oxford. (( David Le ))
3. hey wussup?! i swear i know so many guys dat like u...dats not a ttyl bad thing but its all dese stupid guys...anyhoo tnx 4 bein so cool & sweet! dont change! (( Shapna Islam ))(hahahahhaa ohhhhhhhhman hilarious shapna!)
4. An Vo is Great! (( Tony )) dammmn right tony!! haha
5. Stalker!!! And i'm gonna sign this yearbook. - Will of the West (( William Trinidad )) hahahhahaa will of the west. good one will!
6. hey rona you know i will beat you on tests again next year. dont take it personally. hahaha. have a great summer. (( Andrew Park )) it still amazes me now to think that, i used to compete with andrew park in english! hahaha. man i fell waaaay behind...hahaha

eighth grade:
1. MAD SKILLS! (( Kathleen Chung )) <333
2. Gosh Rona, youre too smart in spanish. Have a great summer. I'll see you next year and i will surpass you in English. haha Laters. (( Andrew Park )) hahahaha spanish was the only thing i could beat him at, i remember lmao
3. Hey rona you are pretty funny (looking!) have a great summer! (( Albert Lowe ))
4. You should have been born smarter. Keep drinking milk, old lady. (( Long Nguyen ))
5. Hey dont be overwhelmed by numerous fans over the summer. have a good one. (( Seth Villegas ))

freshman year was when people actually started writing nice and long meaningful entries. hahaha. as i was reading through them last night, i realized there are so many people/things i miss from previous years "/

can you feel it?

you have absolutely no idea how much this video makes my day. after watching and listening it makes you feel so energized, yet so at peace at the same time. it just lifts you up and fills you with positivity. they are truly amazing. seriously, just take five minutes and thirteen seconds of your day to watch it, and i promise you'll feel so titillated (;
who's up for doing something like this in some random place?!?! :D

brownies.

once you've stopped being who you are for awhile, you eventually forget to.
and once you've stopped being who you are for awhile, it's almost impossible to go back when you try to...

i guess it was worth the try, though.
we change and we grow, only because we learn.


i ate too many brownies today. haha.

word power.

so for the past few days, ive been building my "word power." hahahaha. maaaann. a picture is hung, and a person is hanged. WTF?! the english language sometimes makes me want to seriously hurt someone. hahahaha. and my ap score for english language & composition did not help. hahaha its okaay though. i did okay i guess. anywaaay. so lately i have been having trouble falling asleep. and its not even because i have things on my mind, i just cant get comfortable for some reason. hahaha well. i think ive done more reading this whole week then the entire second semester. HAHA. okay so i totally over exaggerated that, but thats how it feels like! hahaha. you know, my tendency to vacillate drives me INSANE! like im sitting trying to decide whether i want to eat coffee flavored ice cream, or make a banana split with vanilla ice cream. by the time i decide, ive lost all desire to placate my hostility towards the summer heat, and it all ends up pretty useless! but thats okay, because the nostalgic tone of those quite a distance away makes me happy ;] (man oh man. im having too much fun with this right now, bear with me. haha!) although sometimes i tend to uncontrollably become taciturn, uncontrollablly (shh i fixed my split infinitive! buaha). yeah okay. sorryyyyy. so ANYWAY. 1984 is pretttyyyy awesome. like i love it. dont ask me why im keeping track of the alliterations. hahahaha.
AMAZING ALLITERATIONS!
--- senile silliness
--- locked loneliness
--- automatic action
--- primitive patriotism
--- monstrous machines
--- sickly scent
aaaaaaaaaaaand to beeeee continued!!!

dont ask me why im so hyper right now. i really have no idea. OH! im excited for mr o's luau! its gonna bombbdiggety! yeah okay. im gone for now. bahh byeee (:

independence day.

happy fourth of july! "this should be the day you declare your independence" hahahahaha. maybe i shoulda thrown all the tea bags away this morning during breakfast. haha. well june is officially over :[ that means i have to actually start reading and doing all the work im supposed to be doing this summer..haha. starting monday! i swear! :D hmm this week was pretty fun. more eventful than my summers usually are. i dont remember monday. tuesday was a bad, feelinglikecrap day. wednesday, went to the aquarium!! and it was a really good day. i dont remember the last time i sincerely had that much fun (: thursday, yesterday, had its ups and downs. but it was fun still. i ran three miles to jchangs house to go swimmingg. the first mile is always the hardest. omgulay. i was dying the first mile. hahaha. havent run in forever.. anyway. so swimming at jchangs was a lot of funnn. ive been wanting to go swimming FOREVER. okay funny story. so i was leaving and saying goodbye to his mom, and him mom is like "oh ill take you home! dont walk!" and im like...ohcrap. i wasnt supposed to be there in the first place and i was so afraid my dad was at home. she cant drop me off at home! so when she went back inside to get her keys and stuff, i freaking SPRINTED off like mad. HAHAHAHA. it was hilarious. you have no idea how fast i freakin ran. i ran as fast as i could to the next light. and then i hid behind some trees. hopefully she would pass me, and not find me and just go back home. so after i waited there for awhile, i went out and started to walk. i only walked like two minutes when she pulls over on the way back to her house and she says, "there you are! get in! im not gonna let you walk home!" and im standing there like DAMMMN she caught me. HAHAHHAA. yeah well that was fun. hahah. good thing, my dad wasnt home yet, so it all turned out fine (: im just a paranoid freak. and so here i am today, with sunburned shoulders (from the run, not from the swimming) and a sore body. but it was all so totally worth it, i think (:

rain

so i just watched this again, and i fell in love with it again. HAHA. i want to dance in the rain. omg. anyway, the best part is 3:58 and on<3 FREAKIN AMAZING. yeah.

do you know what it's like?

I've always been the kind of girl, that hid my face. So afraid to tell the world, what I've got to say. But I have this dream, right inside of me. I'm gonna let it show, it's time, to let you know. It's so that you know. This is real, this is me. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now. Gonna let the light, shine on me. Now I've found, who I am, there's no way to hold it in. No more hiding who I want to be, this is me. Do you know what it's like..to feel so in the dark, to dream about a life.. where you're the shining star? Even though it seems, like it's too far away, I have to believe in myself. It's the only way. You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing. I need to find you, I gotta find you. You're the missing piece I need; the song inside of me. I need to find you, I gotta find you. This is real, this is me. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now. Gonna let the light, shine on me. Now I've found, who I am, there's no way to hold it in. No more hiding who I want to be...This is me.

i just cant stop

here's the music video of the song that's playing right now over there ---->

the sweetest taste of sin..

hahaha you have no idea how obsessed i am with this song right now.
and you have absolutely NO idea how badly i wish i could go clubbing right now..HAHAHHAA.

shhhhh :]

"someday ill fly away, leave all this to yesterday"

like a phoenix, flying from place to place. breathing the fresh air. feeling the cool breeze rush past. the wind beneath my wings, lifting me higher to a better place. a warmer place. closer and closer to sun. resting among the clouds. then the storms hit, throwing me off course. stranded from my route, lost in unfamiliar skies. but the sun is always there. rain, hail, snow... the sun always has its place. after all the nasty storms and nauseating turbulence, i am tired..almost ready to fall. but the sun..i cannot see it through the dark skies, but it's there. i feel its warmth, urging me to fly on. unable to find my home, i find a new branch. sticks and stones, sticks and stones..exhausted from the flight, full of unexpected storms and detours, i land with a sigh. burning up in flames, i let it all go. i need to move on. revived from the ashes, i am reborn. with every end, there is a new beginning. and so i fly again, with the warmth of the sun and the wind beneath my wings to keep me flying. and regardless of the inevitable storms coming my way, i keep flying. the cycle of life. burning up in flames when i need to, so i can move on. someday i'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday.

i set my other blog up in flames (not literally..). i think starting a new blog will help me. if even a little.
yah. well here's to another flight. let's hope i dont crash land the next storm :]

[edit]