Thursday, August 28, 2008

blast to the past.

last night was hella fun(: like seriously, i dont remember the last time i was that CRAZY! and loud! hahahaha! (well actually i do...) so anjelica and i planned this minireunion dinner at olive garden, and to be honest we didnt expect that many people to be up for it. but it was chill. there were like, thirteen? fourteen? of us last night. a few flakes, but thats life. i hate flakes.. anyway. last night was so so much fun. it was so chill just talking about elementary days and like, what we've been up to all these years and stuff. and for me, it was just interesting to listen to stories of kids from "normal" high schools, nawwmeaan? my friend james was like, "rona, you need to LIVE! yall need to hangout with ME for like a week or something!" haha all i could do was laugh. another old friend just passed by to say watsup, and it made me sad. he's kinda.. messed up.. drinking and smoking when we saw him :[ well yah, but last night was so fun. and sometimes awkward.. hahaha. too bad i didnt take any pictures =/

seeing old friends reminded me of how i used to be(: i miss that. so much. i miss them a lot too. but i dont regret anything that has changed me to be the person that ive become. of course there's always room for improvement. you cant always just forget everything of the past.. cuz then you never really learn from your mistakes. if you just forgot everything, you wouldnt realize how you need to adapt or change. theres a difference though of forgetting and lingering. i do admit i linger in the past; it's one of those things that i need to improve of myself. but others need to realize, too, that you can still move on with life while remembering things.. just as long as you dont linger as long as i do. ill work on that.


Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone. You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain. Something always brings me back to you.. It never takes too long.

comments from: here
by aabigaill: A girl loving a guy but knowing she can't have him. Knowing that he loves her back only makes everything so much more difficult and though she knows that moving on is what's probably best, every time she tries she finds herself back at him because she just can't let go. Her loving him is only hurting her 'Set me free, leave me be' but she can't help hanging on to the hope that maybe one day things will change and it will be possible for them to be together.
by ecr: He holds her without touch, without chains, meaning not physically. She has a false bravado which makes her think she is strong enough to leave him. But her insecurities keep bringing her back to him and whatever fragile strength she has gained disappears. She is very conflicted in wanting her independence but not wanting to be alone.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

cleaning my hands.

so lately ive been really obsessed with washing my hands. i think it's because i keep tryna look for something to do.. someway to keep myself busy... and well, summer homework just isnt appealing, despite the fact that school starts in about a week :O anyway, about washing my hands. my dad bought this new hand soap. and it's just a general brand name, but like, its "black raspberry and vanilla" scented. and im so in love with it. the scent is just so... new. and refreshing. and i keep washing my hands.. keep wanting to start over.. and just wash them again and again. and this song is also my new obsession. along with the freakin handsoap. black raspberry and vanilla. i could get high off that stuff.

Monday, August 25, 2008


this is the most depressing song ever. even after brian mcknight.. ha ha..

Saturday, August 23, 2008


panginoon dyos..

please. sabihin mo sa'kin na tama ang ginawa ko..
at sabihin mo sa'kin na hindi ito ang katapusan..
dahil umaasa pa ako..
balang araw.. sana nga po.

bakit ba ang hirap itigil ang sarili kong umiyak

rafael casal.

Friday, August 22, 2008

"soul spew" (:

(9:56:18 PM): its not that you've changed, its that you need someone to help you up
its always like he knows the right words to say. and can always put into words what i struggle trying to say. hahaha.

* * * *
along with missing kelly clarkson, i miss paula deanda. haha. old stuff = good stuff.
paula deanda.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

whats up lonely

bluuuuuee- im gettin kinda close to youuu. Like a shadow I can't lose. Hey, you've been hanging with me everyday. NOW YOURE GETTING IN MY WAY.

Sometimes I wish you weren't by my side. Can't you find another shoulder, cause I wanna leave this broken heart behind. We're both wasting too much time. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO RAIN ON. I'm really getting tired of singin' this sad song.

this isnt the music video for this song, obviously. hah. it's time to move on. im beginning to learn to live for myself. someone told me, "it's the only way you'll be able to deal with this life." im starting to believe him.. even though it hurts.

oh and i dont know, i don't know what he's after.. but he’s so beautiful, such a beautiful disaster. and if i could hold on, through the tears and the laughter, would it be beautiful? or just a beautiful disaster?

i freakin miss kelly clarkson. i spent all morning listening to her old stuff. i really freaking miss her. hahaha.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


officially the awesomest music video ever. did you know chris brown helped write this song?! maaan i didnt think i could love this song even more! hahahahaha [;

the thing that creeps me out the most is the spiders...freaakinay! i hate spiders! woooaah!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

compassion and fear

ME (11:22:19 PM): lately ive been praying. not for things to be good, but just for strength.
ME (11:22:29 PM): to be able to deal with whatever comes.
FRIEND (11:22:55 PM): thats good that you mention that
FRIEND (11:23:14 PM): i was once told that god rarely gives strength to those who ask
FRIEND (11:23:19 PM): for the will to continue.
FRIEND (11:24:04 PM): i asked, why would he do that?
FRIEND (11:24:22 PM): they said because the strength and will is already in all of us.
FRIEND (11:24:38 PM): it isn't a matter of deciding when and how to use this,
FRIEND (11:25:00 PM): its the realization that this power is in all of us, ready to be accepted, ready to change the world
FRIEND (11:25:17 PM): so you don't need any more strength rona

you know, i never thought about it that way. maybe thats why no matter how many times i pray, or how hard i pray, i havent really been able to find that satisfaction in life. im looking for all the wrong things. i shouldnt pray for strength, he says, but for the realization that i have the power to use the strength hidden within me, to change the world around me. last wednesday when i went to church, i prayed (for the sevenhundredth time) for strength. i asked God to give me the strength to move on past whatever hits me; the strength to accept change as it comes in this vital point of my life. but my friend says i shouldnt pray for strength. i just need to find it..
when i go to church again tomorrow, i shall pray for something different.

FRIEND (11:47:16 PM): i believe in rona
FRIEND (11:48:02 PM): you are genuine, emotional, fun loving, respectable, respected, and a girl who isn't afraid to be afraid
FRIEND (11:48:35 PM): listen to what [he] says,
FRIEND (11:48:41 PM): what friends say.
ME (11:48:51 PM): a lot of them believe i create problems..
FRIEND (11:49:01 PM): i don't
FRIEND (11:49:04 PM): i promise you.
FRIEND (11:49:13 PM): you're willing to face them
FRIEND (11:49:41 PM): to me, its terrible and inhuman to hide something as genuine as compassion, or as strong as fear

Monday, August 18, 2008


so much for that..

seventeen years worth of suppressed anger emotion is ugly when it finally explodes.

one more year..alsfj;asldfjk;


i almost want school to start already.

Monday, August 11, 2008


you know, i think the 100 calorie packs are so useless! they just make me want more..HAHA. i was eating a 100calorie bag of little bite brownies. and i was like, this is so unsatisfying! so i got another pack...the next thing i knew, i had already eaten four bags. thats FOURHUNDRED calories! hahahah whoever invented 100 calorie bags..sorry your strategy isnt workin for me hahaha. uhmmm....TRANSITIONNNNN!

DISCLAIMER: for the sake of being interesting, i exaggerate a lot and speak off stereotypes. you'll get over it(:

girls vs. guys: the ugly
1. girls are such gossips. doesnt matter how many times they say, "i wouldnt talk about anyone behind their back, honest!" the next thing you know, they're with their girlies sitting at a cafe, or having sleepovers, talking about how awkward so-and-so look together or how so-and-so's style is out of this world, or how so-and-so just doesnt stop talking! 2. girls are so unforgiving. doesnt matter how many times they say that they're the kind of person who doesnt hold grudges, that life is too short for that crap... they do anyway. and the worst part? they do it unconsciously. they dont mean to. it just happens. once you screw up with them, everything changes, and all of a sudden they hang out with other people, and you move down their top friends list. and its so hard to regain their trust, so hard to regain your place. 3. girls are too forgiving. a girl never forgets, but they're too willing to give people chances even when they dont deserve it. they dont care that you made them cry, they'll go on loving you anyway. because life's too short for all that crap...right? 4. girls are so self-contradictory! see number two and three. 5. girls are hella moody and it seems like they have their period more than once a month. one day they are having the time of their life, and the next they're really pissed about something. or they're crying their heart out. and then the next day, they dont remember that they cried the day before. it's always a surprise whether you see a smile or a frown.
1. guys dont care enough. either that or they just choose to act so tough. they dont like everyone knowing that they have a heart. they hate showing weakness and vulnerability. 2. guys would choose things over people. people think girls are so materialistic, but if you really think about it, guys care more about the money, the nice cars, the biggest tv, the latest game consoles. girls are just obsessed about clothes&jewelry. but guys wouldnt second think about keeping a girl or keeping his car. 3. guys are afraid of commitment. any sign of seriousness, off they go! they cant stay in one place for too long. 4. "guys get bored easily." self explanatory. 5. guys always think that they are right. whatever they say or feel seems to be the only point of view, because anything you say is just wrong or ridiculous. they're closed minded and their world is limited to what happens around themselves.

girls vs. guys: the good
1. girls make the best lovers (except for when you make them jealous. then theyre bitches). they're willing to give their all for someone they completely adore. a girl may be mad or upset sometimes, but you'll always know that she still loves you. oh, and she wouldnt chose anything material over you. 2. girls know how to act, and when to act. they know the appropriate times to be serious and the right time to mess around. theyve got their morals set out, and they always stick to them. 3. girls know how to look good without even trying. self explanatory. they're just so damn irresistible, if youre a guy OR a girl. HAHAHA! 4. having a girl best friend is like having your own personal advisor, personal hair stylist, personal fashion advisor, personal EVERYTHING. girls just know how to run lives. period.
1. guys make the best friends, if youre a girl. they're always willing to give their opinion (of course, cuz theyre always right) and when youre real close, he looks out for you. he lets you cry when some guy breaks your heart, and calls him a jackass, just to make you feel better. and if youre a guy, well, guys make the best friends because you can be gay with him and not actually be gay (lmfao i had to laugh hahhaa). 2. guys are always chill, and they know how to have fun. they make you not worry so much about stupid things, and can actually be really encouraging. guys are just so relaxed most of their life. 3. guys are always honest. sometimes they might go around the bush, but it's always the truth (thats why its so easy to believe them when they lie..and when they do, it hurts like a muddaheffer). 4. guys know how to make a girl feel good. they know all that corny shit works most of the time, so they take advantage of it. and if youre REALLY lucky, your guy always adds twists to all the corny to make it his own, or to be original.

the good and the bad. but hey, we're all only human(: we're just lucky men and women can live together in peace. sorta. HAHAHA.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

prisoner of words.

i had to. alicia keys is definitely talented. daaaamn this one makes me love poetry so much.

im a prisoner of words unsaid, just lonely feelins locked away in my head. i trap myself further everytime i stay quiet. i should start to speak but i stop and stay silent.

ps. if you havent seen the ones in the previous post, go watch them(:

def jam. poetry.

funny how things work out, isnt it? and how some things...just fall into place? (: anyway, been watching defpoetry/spokenword lately. now everybody knows the shihan this type love piece. but these are almost just as good(:

i like this one too. a looooot. theres a 2nd part too. look it up on youtube to watch it(:

dammmn i love poetry (:
ps. if you're interested, look up rafael casal. barbie and ken 101, and first week after a breakup. awesome stuff. he's great with metaphors. and has deep stuff to say. and dont just close the video when you see that he's white.. cuz he's tight(;

Friday, August 8, 2008

O brave new world.. Let's start at once.

"actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. and, of course, stability isnt nearly so spectacular as instability. and being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. happiness is never grand." -p221

"one cant have something for nothing. happiness has got to be paid for." -p228

usually every time after i finish a book from school, i always post my favorite quotes from it and discuss a few things. these two quotes were the only ones i felt like were worth marking and folding pages for. generally, i didnt like this book as much as i did 1984 (which i realize, i never posted about... hmm). the first half of this book was just dreadful for me to go through. promiscuity all over the place just bugged the hell out of me. everyone belongs to everyone else?! what bull is that...i hate immorality. but i have to admit, i liked the last quarter of the book. i dont really feel like going into depth about my thoughts of what huxley and orwell tried to portray. maybe another day. i will say this though: i think they're right. hahahahahhaa.

watching the teen choice awards got me thinking about some celebrities. i hate miley cyrus. im sorry. yes, her songs are catchy as hell, but have you ever really listened to her freakin voice?! i cant stand it. i also cant stand really listening to the Jonas Brothers' voices. they're just as bad. but, im a girl and a little biased... i mean, nick jonas!! he's so buff for what...fifteen? yeah. whatever. anyway just goes to show how shallow america is. hahaha. i'll tell you who i really like. demi lavato and selena gomez. demi is just a lot of fun, and selena gomez is a goddess. truthfully, i like demi's voice better than miley, though its not a hella lot better. but hey, who am i to be a critic of these people, right? im just jealous cuz i dont get to be in movies(; hahahahha! now, vanessa hudgens. she's now on neutrogena commercials, trying to pick up her career after it got pierced with her scandalous photos. have you seen her music video for "sneaker night?" thats a horrible song, and a horrible video. vanessa hudgens and miley cyrus. i strongly dislike them both. BUT LISTEN! i hated them both BEFORE any scandal of them came out. but, i am a guilty high school musical fan, and yes im going to see it in theaters. i swear its not because of zac efron. i hate pretty boys! (except maybe..nick jonas..haha shh) but seriously, im just a sucker for musical movies. hmmm...i still love will smith. he will always be just an amazing actor. i think some of his movies underestimate his true potential of acting. shia labeouf. i think he has a lot of potential, but the movies he keeps getting put in, arent the greatest. except transformers! which is the ish. btw, they're filming the 2nd movie and i cant wait to see how that turns out. he got arrested for a DUI. hahahaha. truthfully, im not surprised. all celebrities get arrested for that. i mean seriously, get drunk all you want, but hire a freaking driver! geeez. well i cant think of anyone else to pick on right now. so i think im done(:

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

lets just be.

ever had that feeling where all of a sudden, everything was just....better? like things finally started making sense.. haha. iono. sometimes it just takes another person to tell you that you need to relax and have a little faith and some condonation. oh, aaand i dont want to look like my mom at the young age of seventeen. dont want extra lines on my face! (ahaha shhh dont tell her i said that!). no more inexorable (i use that word a lot, did you notice?! haha) situations. nike. just do it. verb. it's what you do. if God put me to it, he'll pull me through it. give and take. i dont know what other trites or general statements could fit perfectly into my state of mind right now, but yeah, there are a few. hahaa. let's just hope it's not so ephemeral. hahhaa. yay im getting better at this word choice thing.

give me the greenlight(:

hmmm. no wonder i was in such a down mood last week. eff pms. being a girl sucks! (sometimes)

im scared of change. so so afraid.