Saturday, February 28, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

states & capitals

i used to know this whole song!!! i am so determined to relearn this!
i have the first two verses down! six more to go!


say what you mean and mean what you say.
words matter too, you know.

when people dont care about how youre gonna feel, it really hurts..

lack of internet.

so basically, my internet has been out since sunday. and today my phoneline was finally fixed... so YAY! this is so sad, but these past days have made me realize just exactly how dependent i am on internet! man oh maaaan! and its like, when its not available, i feel so disconnected! its crazy.. and to think there was a time where internet didnt even exis! :O

you know what else i noticed? i make fast reactions. too fast. no time to think or decide if its the right way to react.. when something happens to me, it's like an emotional bomb explodes inside of me and it totally takes over me. it's like my will and my mind are completely separate from my emotions. completely separate and opposite. not separate and equal, like in gov. (okay i dont know why i keep making gov references..) yeah. or to relate it to chem, it's like after something happens, its just a whole mess of fast steps in the reaction and im lacking a slow step. yeah okay i sound like a nerd but idk how else to try to explain how i am to people who's emotions dont uncontrollably take over them. usually i dont really mean the things i say or do when my emotional bomb explodes inside of me.. eventually i think things through and try to reason with myself. and sometimes it takes a couple of days.. iono. in the moment, my mind and my will are always overpowered by my emotions. and yeah, that just sucks sometimes.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

just a little pissed off.

wow. the past days have just really sucked. sometimes it makes me wonder why i even try in choir. if choir wasnt a passion of mine taht grew on me over the years, i would hav eseriously dropped it by now. if i hadnt grown to love performing and actually just the program itself, i would have seirously quit by now. for the past five months, sept to jan, i ahve tolerated that man and what the choir program has become. for the past five months, i shook my head at everyone else who trash takled him and all the changes in the program. for the past five months, i kept telling myself and a few others who would listen, to give the man and the program a break. i mean, he was new, and he didnt know us or our program at all. for five months i kept telling people to just suck it up and adapt to the changes. i did this for five months. and today, all mypatience has run out. today, i trash talked in the same way that every else has been for the past five months. today i called him a dick. our program has been walked out on and deserted (by you know who). he just left us hanging and many of us felt betrayed. but we managed to pick ourselves up when mcelderry and batinga took over; beacuse we gave them a chance. since the beginning of this year, nobody gave him a chance (not that i think he deserves it anymore, after walking out on SC today). eveyrbody just gave up on the program since the beginning of this year. today i have also decided that its not only His fault, but yours. yes, you. you people who dont give a damn about the program and think you desreve to be in the advanced classes. you people who dont give a damn about choir, who just auditioned for the upper classes to prove something to yourself (or others). the auditions were lame by the way and all you past OAsingers got in easy. hows that for you damn selfish pride? you people who are just adding to the ocuntless misfortuntes and ruining the year for us who ARE sincerely passionate and dediacted to the choir program. hell, im not ashamed to say i desrve to be in sc. and its not because i think im talented. and i DEFINITELY dont think i sing well. it's because im dedicated and im willing to put in effort and time to make the program successful. but a handful of individuals cant do it for two advanced classes of forty kids each. if you dont want the high level of dedication or responsibilty, hell thats what musical is for. but even you MP kids, in past years, MP always still made sure they didnt make a fool out of themselves by rehearsal week. people just dont care anymore, and its not just your class; its heavily dominant in SC too and THATS whats pissing me off. nobody wants to take the damn iniative since 'HE' cant help us now. yes hes a dick with an attitude, but all people do these days is freakin complain about him. how but making an effort in class? dont do it for him, he doesnt deserve it. do it because the program deserves it. do it because people like me who are so dedicated deserve some reciprocation. do it because the program that used to make you look hella good deserves some respect.

im beginning to think im fighting for a lost cause. and im just a little pissed off.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

just a little bummed.

you know, sometimes i dont know why i even bother to try to do special things for you. do you have any idea how much time and effort it took? not to mention how much i really enjoyed making it for you.. and not to mention how excited i was... yet for what? so i could just end up with really lame day that didnt even feel any different from any other day? so much for "special occasion." sure, it was shortlived, but thats not what bothered me. family first. and besides, you could have made it up some other way.. flowers? chocolates? and a nice card maybe? did nothing of the sort come to mind? its funny cuz usually, girls complain about the unoriginality of guys' creativity.. and here i am, looking for the typical things.. what else can i really expect out of a valentines day? certainly not a rolled up, untouched poster which by the looks of the price tag left on it, was just thrown in the back of a trunk the day before. and to top it off, here i am being so pathetic, hoping that maybe just maybe youd make it up to me the next day.. or the next day.. or the next... until four days have passed and i realize i really am being pathetic.. you know. it didnt really matter to me how much time we spent together.. but, how did we spend that time together and in what ways did you try to make that day special? when its supposed to be a special occasion, is it wrong for me to want to be treated a certain way? some sort of way for me to know for sure that you appreciate when i try to do or make special things for you? some sort of way for me to know that you actually care about trying to do things that would make me smile, feel appreciated? yeah, so maybe you think roses are lame and overdone, but did you ever stop to think that maybe i would like to get flowers ever once in a blue moon? most girls think roses are too common. too bad i think they're rare.. that saddens me a little. or how about any type of flower if youre so against roses, for crying out loud i dont care.. and i dont want to have to ask you to get me some either. taht wouldnt make me feel any better for goodness sake. you know, at first i was mad. but now i dont know if im just bummed.. because it's really hopeless to be angry about this. i dont know. maybe im being unfair by accusing you just because youre nota creative person, or because youre a horrible lets-make-a-special-occasion-special person. i dont know if i can really blame you for that. maybe im being unfair by accusing you of not caring just beacuse youre not really a romatic guy. maybe im being ungrateful. i dont know. and right now, i dont know if im trying to rationalize with my feelings or if im trying to defend you... or if im just trying to make myself feel better. all i know is, i'm just a little bummed.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


so far... ucriverside. calstate fullerton. calstate long beach (woo!).
heeeeey! whaddaya know, i have options!

you give me reason to smile.

Monday, February 9, 2009


"true love never dies, but romance tends to fade" - ram

happy february ninth.