Friday, January 9, 2009


i never thought id experience the day i go to a park and feel lonely. usually its perfectly serene when i go by myself..

there's nothing to feel but the cool breeze as i lay on the damp grass, under a tree. there's no one at all. except for that crow, sitting there on top of the broken lamp post, cawing his mocking laughter at my solitude. i cant find the strength to laugh with him. i feel sad but i cant bring myself to cry. nature deserves more than someone's pathetic tears. the faint song of the birds in the sky are better company than silence. and yet, being as human as i am, i crave for attention, for a connection with someone i can share secrets with..someone i can be myself with. i search for that deep connection i cant seem to find with people anymore in the swaying leaves of the trees and in the whispers of the wind. the empty swingsets sway with the breeze and my imagination creates a presence, waiting for my secrets to be told, whispering and ruffling my hair... i wish i had a ball, to put through tht still nets..some way of knowing i can get through the hoops in my life.. i wish i had a rake, to clear away all the fallen leaves, to make room for something new to grow.. walking to the plastic playgrounds, i slip on the woodchips and try to break my fall. the wood splinters into my palms, threatening my life lines. i sit and pick out the little pains and again i feel like crying.. like a child who slides and falls into the sea of woodchips and cries helplessly. but there's no one to come running to me, to pick me up and say "it's okay, try the slide again." theres just the sound of the fading cawing laughter as the crow leaves its post, joining the rest of the wings in the sky. when they disappear i realize... that even the cawing mockery was better company than this emptiness the crow left me to feel.. all of a sudden, the sun pierced through the canopy of leaves above me and i could feel its hot breath on my neck. as if its rays drugged me through my skin, my eyes began to droop and feel heavy. this must be God's way of numbing the loneliness and curing my need for something to pass the time. and so with that i fell into a painless slumber, just letting the sun's heat soak into my being, and completely forgetting about the world.

No comments: