Sunday, February 15, 2009
just a little bummed.
you know, sometimes i dont know why i even bother to try to do special things for you. do you have any idea how much time and effort it took? not to mention how much i really enjoyed making it for you.. and not to mention how excited i was... yet for what? so i could just end up with really lame day that didnt even feel any different from any other day? so much for "special occasion." sure, it was shortlived, but thats not what bothered me. family first. and besides, you could have made it up some other way.. flowers? chocolates? and a nice card maybe? did nothing of the sort come to mind? its funny cuz usually, girls complain about the unoriginality of guys' creativity.. and here i am, looking for the typical things.. what else can i really expect out of a valentines day? certainly not a rolled up, untouched poster which by the looks of the price tag left on it, was just thrown in the back of a trunk the day before. and to top it off, here i am being so pathetic, hoping that maybe just maybe youd make it up to me the next day.. or the next day.. or the next... until four days have passed and i realize i really am being pathetic.. you know. it didnt really matter to me how much time we spent together.. but, how did we spend that time together and in what ways did you try to make that day special? when its supposed to be a special occasion, is it wrong for me to want to be treated a certain way? some sort of way for me to know for sure that you appreciate when i try to do or make special things for you? some sort of way for me to know that you actually care about trying to do things that would make me smile, feel appreciated? yeah, so maybe you think roses are lame and overdone, but did you ever stop to think that maybe i would like to get flowers ever once in a blue moon? most girls think roses are too common. too bad i think they're rare.. that saddens me a little. or how about any type of flower if youre so against roses, for crying out loud i dont care.. and i dont want to have to ask you to get me some either. taht wouldnt make me feel any better for goodness sake. you know, at first i was mad. but now i dont know if im just bummed.. because it's really hopeless to be angry about this. i dont know. maybe im being unfair by accusing you just because youre nota creative person, or because youre a horrible lets-make-a-special-occasion-special person. i dont know if i can really blame you for that. maybe im being unfair by accusing you of not caring just beacuse youre not really a romatic guy. maybe im being ungrateful. i dont know. and right now, i dont know if im trying to rationalize with my feelings or if im trying to defend you... or if im just trying to make myself feel better. all i know is, i'm just a little bummed.