so basically, my internet has been out since sunday. and today my phoneline was finally fixed... so YAY! this is so sad, but these past days have made me realize just exactly how dependent i am on internet! man oh maaaan! and its like, when its not available, i feel so disconnected! its crazy.. and to think there was a time where internet didnt even exis! :O
you know what else i noticed? i make fast reactions. too fast. no time to think or decide if its the right way to react.. when something happens to me, it's like an emotional bomb explodes inside of me and it totally takes over me. it's like my will and my mind are completely separate from my emotions. completely separate and opposite. not separate and equal, like in gov. (okay i dont know why i keep making gov references..) yeah. or to relate it to chem, it's like after something happens, its just a whole mess of fast steps in the reaction and im lacking a slow step. yeah okay i sound like a nerd but idk how else to try to explain how i am to people who's emotions dont uncontrollably take over them. usually i dont really mean the things i say or do when my emotional bomb explodes inside of me.. eventually i think things through and try to reason with myself. and sometimes it takes a couple of days.. iono. in the moment, my mind and my will are always overpowered by my emotions. and yeah, that just sucks sometimes.