Thursday, July 30, 2009
People always say that time passes by too fast. And yet, sometimes, I wish life could just fast forward. Right now I wish life could fast forward to November, so I could already line up to watch New Moon. And sometimes, I wish life would fast forward to where I have a stable job, a house of my own, married and with children. To the point of my life where I feel secure and certain about everything. When I could go to bed every night and know that I have a good job to go to the next day. When I could go to bed every night and know that in the morning, the one that I love will be there right beside me, literally and figuratively. When I could go to bed every night and just feel safe and guaranteed. But right now, I go to bed every night full of questions and uncertainty. I don't know what I'm going to do in college yet. I don't know who's planning to stick around and who's planning not to.. I hate not knowing. I need a plan. But that's impossible, considering everyone around you has the same freedom of choice as you do. Today I went to CSULB and met up with some people I met at SOAR, and walking around campus I DID feel somewhat excited. Excited to be having my own time. Excited to be in a new place. Excited to meet new people. But at the same time, in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but think how I wish I was just over all of it already. I want to know what I'm going to be doing. I want to know who the people in my life are going to be. Or at least.. I need someone to reassure me that the future is a safe and happy place.. Well, today was fun [: It's just the future I'm anxious about. Not even that I'm worried about it.. just anxious.