ill be hitting multiple birds with one stone here.
I can think of several occasions in the past in which I was the confrontational one. I can also think of many times when I was the one to run away from the problem. But when I think of those times, I'm reminded that after a long time (I recall that one time, it was after several months), I still end up being the confrontational one. I was always one to chase pavements. I was always the one to be the last to fight. But how do we know which pavements are worth chasing? Contrary to his belief that we decide whether something is worth it, by evaluating an 'end' result... I believe in determining the worth of doing something, not by an 'end' result, but by a conscious decision of the mind and heart, before it's even the 'end.' Because I believe in making things worth it along the way, not just letting things happen and waiting until the 'end' to decide if something was worth it. For example, I keep coming back because my mind & heart has made the conscious decision that it's worth it. And while he believes (correct me if I'm wrong; though I don't think I am since you've told me this countless times)that we will never really know if all this is worth it until the 'end' ... i disagree very strongly. With a mad passion, actually. But back to the original topic. I had lost my breath, panting and gasping for air from chasing pavements in past years. Yeah, now I have changed. Because this time, I wont be gasping for breath until I decide something is worth it. To be honest, I have no intentions on being the confrontational one this time around. And just to clear the air, I have no feelings of resentment, but rather, indifference. I don't know if feeling indifferent is worse or better than feeling resentful, but I do know that it's gonna take a lot more than this to shatter my revived happy self. I'm so gleeful these days it's almost disgusting hahaha. I feel like a junior high kid again. Speaking of Glee, it reminds me of show choir whenever I watch it, and it makes me miss SC. But PAC and PAC Modern are energizing me these days ♥. I realize I've become a stronger person. And I don't let things depress me, like how I did before. Lately it's more often the things that make me happy that linger in my mind rather than the things that are upsetting. I guess the danger now is neglecting my problems. Eventually, I'll find the perfect balance. Hahaha.