Saturday, July 18, 2009
You'd think being with someone for such a long time would give you high importance in their life. You'd think that after all you've been through with someone, that maybe, just maybe, they'd feel different about you. A little stronger, perhaps? I'm stuck on this middle ground. I have been for longer than my heart can actually handle. He claims I stand no further from where I was when I asked last year, yet why does it seem like as time goes on I slip further and further away? I've felt stronger times; I've felt closer before. I'm finding it difficult to believe I'm still on this middle ground..and can you blame me? He keeps stabbing my heart with the words, "I have my own life"..as if I was separate from it..as if I wasn't worthy enough to be a part of "his own life." You'd think being with someone for so long and going through so much with them would make you at least part of their life.. You'd think we share the same life, but really I'm sharing mine while he's off "having his own life." And what the hell am I to do? What am I to do, loving someone who is so unsure of where I stand (or if I stand..) in his future? What am I to do with someone who is planning with failure as an option? What am I to do?